Telling the Children

By Steven Reiter Ph.D. and Paula Van Doren LCSW Under the best of circumstances divorce is a profound trauma for everyone involved. Telling the Children is a moment that the child (unless they are very young) will remember for the rest of their lives. WE have a very strong bias. Our bias is that the welfare of the children is primary. Their needs should be put in the forefront. In this brief article we wish to present information to assist you in helping your children to receive and to respond to the traumatic news that their parents are divorcing. Let […]

Advice From the Front Line

advice from adult children of divorced parents To Parents: Keep your differences away from the kids so they don’t have to listen to it, and don’t make them make choices or choose between each other and don’t screw with the kids’ minds. Don’t put the kids in the middle; don’t make kids the jury; don’t make visitation difficult; don’t speak ill of the other parent. Kids don’t care whose fault it is. Don’t blame each other. Each of you is responsible. Keep your differences private. Don’t let the kids hear it and don’t make the kids feel guilty. Don’t make […]

Collaborative Divorce: Avoid Criticism of Co-Parent

A COACH HELPS A FATHER LEARN: COMPLIMENTING INSTEAD OF CRITICIZING A father desperately wanted joint custody of his young children. The mother had reservations because he had never spent much time with the children. He persisted in pointing out his strengths and her faults. In frustration he criticized her parenting. She responded by threatening to seek sole custody. The coach suggested a break, and asked him what he really wanted. He said, “I want to be able to take care of my children; I need to spend time with them.” A different strategy was suggested. Rather than criticize their mother, […]