Divorce Coach

What is Divorce Coaching and How it Helps in a Collaborative Divorce Case

Paula March

What is Divorce Coaching and How it Helps in a Collaborative Divorce Case

Divorce is typically the end result of serious relationship problems. This requires clients to deal with a multitude of emotional issues, along with the legal and financial ramifications. A lot of people who go through a divorce only see it from a legal and financial standpoint, failing to address all the emotional issues. It is important, however, to ensure you take the time to address and work through all parts of the divorce — legal, financial, and emotional to help you move forward in the best and healthiest way possible. Therefore, it can be beneficial to work with a divorce coach throughout a Collaborative Divorce.

Divorce Coaching is not Therapy

Divorce Coaches are licensed therapists, however coaching is not therapy.  Coaches do not go into the childhood history of each client nor do they make diagnoses or prescribe treatment plans. In fact, divorce coaches do not actually treat any kind of mental illness.  However, tools are provided to help clients cope with difficult feelings, such as anxiety.   If a client could benefit from therapy, there is a referral process available.

Divorce Coaches Teach you how to Co-Parent

Client typically have never been through a divorce, and therefore do not know how to divorce or co-parent.  Co-parenting is a major part of a divorce that deserves a lot of attention and Divorce Coaches can help with that aspect.

In a divorce, parenting roles shift. Typically, both parents must become providers as well as single parents, who must parent on their own during their time with their children.  Parents must also consider that there is another parent whose style must be considered.  A primary caregiver whose job it has been to raise the children loses part of their identity when they have to share this role. The primary caregiver has been able to make all the parenting decisions and has difficulty giving up that important role.  Conversely, the parent who has been out working truly wants to become more involved in their children’s lives, but fears asking for advice, should the other parent think they are incapable.  Yet, who better to ask than the parent who has been doing most of the child-rearing. How can you co-parent when two parents cannot get along? How do you separate the co-parenting relationship from the intimate relationship? How do you make sure your children have two parents rather than one?

In an ideal situation, the parents will transition from an intimate relationship into a business relationship where they are both focused on raising their children in the best way possible.   No one can do that flawlessly, and your Divorce Coach can help.

Divorce Resentments

As couples drift apart, resentments build.  Sadness and anger at the disappointment each person feels about the breakdown of the marriage escalate.  Often, one person is shocked at being left when they thought they were in a stable marriage.  Divorce coaches work on issues relating to grief and anxiety during the loss of the marriage and transition through divorce.  Fear of the unknown accompanies almost all divorces and divorce coaches can help you get on the right track.  Coaching can help clients learn how to talk to each other without sarcasm and make requests politely without making demands. Learning how to interact with each other respectfully is crucial to good co-parenting and a less stressful divorce.  Divorce Coaching helps each client understand how to separate their strong, intimate feelings from their co-parenting duties.

A Word About Triggers

Triggers happen when someone says something or has a behavior that causes a strong emotional reaction.  Everybody has triggers, and nobody triggers you more than your parents or the partner you are divorcing.  Coaching helps to identify your triggers and to learn how to respond, with thought, rather than react with high emotion.   This is especially important during attorney meetings, where important decisions are made about your future, and you do not want to make poor decisions through the unfocused lens of high emotion.  The Divorce Coach helps to prep before attorney meetings, and ensure each meeting is efficient and as smooth as possible.

Divorce Coaches are available to help clients every step of the way through the divorce process.   Ask your attorney for a recommendation or find the link on this website.

This blog was originally published on www.collaborativedivorcecalifornia.com/linktoblog.

Posted in Collaborative Practice, Divorce Process.